Friday November 9, 2007
Thursday August 30, 2007
Why do you need to travel to Scandinavia to enjoy a hot cup of tea after a meal in a restaurant? This is an idea I spoke with my friend E.C. about years and years ago. I still so simply and truly buy into this. You can be more observant. You can enjoy life more. You can do something different. You can enjoy a hot cup of tea right where you are - both in your kitchen and at a local restaurant.
E.C. told me that he had traveled to China, and had seen so much, and had observed so many details of regular life. And had taken so many photos. And then he wondered why people don’t do the same where they are? Why don’t people look for the details and observe the anomalies of daily living? Why don’t people explore what’s really underfoot?
There’s no expectation to do so, and people are busy, and people are not in a relaxation-enjoy-life mindset, and people feel rushed with daily chores, errands, expectations. But … does it need to be this way?
You don’t need to go to a monastery in India. Or break bread in the mills of Poland. Or dip into the Dead Sea.
Right around where you are. What can you do?
Gretchen wrote about breaking the hedonic treadmill by not having access to sending emails for a few days. Then, when she came back to email, it felt soooo good! Exactly.
My grandmother tells a story of a family with seven children that all lived in one room. The family went to the Rabbi and asked the rabbi, “What can we do? We have no space.” The Rabbi said, “Go get a goat and put her in the center of your one room.” The family said, “What?! That doesn’t make sense.” And the Rabbi said, “That’s my recommendation.” The family came back a week later, and told the Rabbi that didn’t seem to help. The Rabbi said, “Now, take the goat out of the room.”
That’s it! That’s the hedonic treadmill. Change things up. Feel too cramped? Make it more cramped, then relieve the pressure.
And you can create your own new experiences to also break the hedonic treadmill.
How can you do something very, very different just exactly where you are?
There’s a folk story about a man for whom everything had gone badly, and he went off to live in a far-off country. He wrote letters to his parents telling them of things going on with him, and eventually, things were not going great in the new place either. So his father write him a letter, “Son, how do you expect things to be very different there? You took down there the same thing that was an issue here - you took yourself. So come back and figure yourself out here. We’d love to see you.”
I read this story as very positive. Like, look inside and make the changes you want to make, and then enjoy yourself and your life more. I can see how it could be read differently, and give the father an overly didactic and moralistic tone, but I don’t think about it that way - I read it as a dad’s concern and suggestion for his son.
In summary, try any of these 6 ways to do something differently - exactly where you are:
- Go to a new restaurant nearby with your spouse or good friend. Dress nicely. Enjoy each bite. Write a review to each other over email afterwards.
- Walk in an area of town you know, but take photos as if documenting for National Geographic and email them to friends later.
- Do your regular sport but pay attention to each muscle. This is an idea I picked up from David Seah. If you’re not actively doing a sport, do this with walking.
- Go enjoy the sun in a new way. Find a day that is sunny. Go outside for ten minutes with the idea of enjoying the sun in a new way. What can you try? With your eyes closed? Sunning just the back of your neck for example? Dancing in the sun?
- Buy one flower, and spend ten minutes smelling it differently. Smell it when it’s near you, when it’s far away, when it’s in water, when it’s not, when it’s in the sun, when it’s in the shade. What works best?
- Hug something soft - a stuffed animal, a dog, a cat. Really feel how the softness feels. Describe it to a friend.
You’ll notice a lot of the above ideas are also about sharing the feeling of the something different that you’re doing - sending an email about it, describing it. Go ahead and share. As Karen Salmansohn says, really share. Shaaaaaare.
Thursday June 21, 2007
We asked this question yesterday at the first meeting of the Happiness Club NY!
QUESTION: If you had been Marty Seligman, Mike Csikszentmihalyi, and Ray Fowler when they met in 1999 to discuss a new subfield in psychology that would study what is right with people, what topics would you have wanted to put on the table? What topics would you want to study?!
Here are the answers from yesterday:
EXPERIENCES we can study - such as thoughts, emotions…
- Internal vs. external happiness
- Consistency in Happiness over time
- Studying hobbies, flow experiences
- Exercise and happiness
- Weightloss and happiness
- How to move on from a bad thought
- Conscious happiness, awareness
- Optimism and adjusting thoughts and controlling thoughts
- Pleasure
- Meaning
- How to increase happiness
- Happiness in marriage, in relationships, in long-lasting friendships (also “group”)
INDIVIDUAL TRAITS AND CHARACTERISTICS we can study
- Drive, motivation
- Responsibility, reliance
- Personal will
- To what degree is happiness determined at birth? - Chemical and neurobiological components of happiness
- Generational: if your parents are happy, are you?
- Focus
- Studying traits of good leaders
- Studying traits of successful people
- Studying traits of philanthropists
- Studying optimists (also “experience”)
- Difference between individual and community happiness (also “group”)
GROUP AND COMMUNITY issues we can study
- Happiness at work, fun at work (LOTS of interest in this topic)
- Is happiness cultural?
- Does happiness have socioeconomic factors?
- Is there a ripple effect to happiness - if you’re happy, then are others?
- Happiness and children
OBSERVATION:
What’s interesting is that the list we came up with has a lot of questions that the original founders of positive psychology came up with too. And it’s not really a coincidence that even though we were sitting in a Columbia Business School classroom, we came up with the fewest categories for “group.” Similarly, in positive psychology, group and organization issues have been the least studied.
You might be wondering why we separated our questions into those categories. Well, first we brainstormed a lot of topics we would want to study, and then we used the three “pillars” of positive psychology to group all our brainstormed topics.
See you at the next Happiness Club NY meeting on July 11, Wed eve - for a discussion about “Is there any magic techniqut to positive thinking? And what if I don’t want to think positive?”
Link: What is Positive Psychology?
Monday June 18, 2007
Announcing the Happiness Club NY!
FIRST MEETING ever!
Wednesday, June 20.
Friday June 1, 2007
What’s the best part of today, June 1?
QUESTION:
What’s the best thing that happened to you today? OR
What’s the best thing that you expect to happen today!?
My answer is in the comments. Welcome to question Fridays! Would love to know what the best part of today, June 1st, was for you!
Monday May 14, 2007
I’ll be teaching a class on Wednesday in Greenwich, CT.
WHEN: 7-9pm
WHERE: Greenwich High School
REGISTER: Here (preferred) or at-the-door.
The Science of Happiness
In 1998, Positive Psychology was launched by then American Psychological Association president Martin Seligman. Positive Psychology is a branch of psychology that studies what makes people happier, more productive, and more successful . What is this new “science of happiness”? In this two-hour workshop, we will go through the basics of the science of happiness and its applications to your life. We will cover physical happiness, mental happiness, emotional happiness, and self happiness. Some particular topics that we will address:
- How does optimism increase focus and affect physical health?
- You are what you say: how can you respond to people most effectively, how can you praise people and children well?
- How can you open up your creativity and decision-making skills?
- How can you create new successful habits?
Senia Maymin, MBA, MAPP, is an Executive Coach and Editor-in-Chief of Positive Psychology News Daily (www.pos-psych.com). In addition to coaching, she has a background in high-tech and finance. She completed her AB in Mathematics and Economics at Harvard University, her MBA at Stanford University, and her Master in Applied Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania (Martin Seligman’s program, the only such master’s degree in the world). Website: www.Senia.com.
Friday May 11, 2007
Hello! Welcome to Question Fridays. If you’re in the mood, which I’m in most Fridays, please add your answer to the comments section!
Who is the happiest person you know?
What does he or she do to be happy?
All the best,
Senia
Wednesday May 2, 2007
I’ve been on a health kick recently. And part of my health kick is eating bread on the weekends only - so no bread on weekdays. I really love fresh bread, so I tend to have a bit of it on the weekends. And I have bread with a thick swab of butter on it.
And then … the funny thing that happens is that the weekend is over, but on Monday I still crave butter.
Why do I crave butter on Mondays, and what can I do about it?
I’m asking more generally, how can you create a new habit for yourself such as:
- Exercising on Monday when you’ve lounged the weekend away, or - better yet - spent it in a daze in front of the TV.
- Prioritizing better at work after overloading yourself with to-do’s and promises to people.
- Skipping the additional candy when you just want to reach for it in the bowl at the office.
You’d better create some new mental pathways!
We spoke here about Ann Graybiel’s research that new habits come about when a new neural pathway is strong enough. And we spoke here about the benefit of daily practice toward achieving anything in life.
That’s what happens on Mondays. Your old neural pathways want to kick in. Especially if you used to eat butter on any old day of the week, and now you’re limiting yourself to the weekends.
So what can you do to counteract that strong urge, that mental temptation?
1) As Ann Graybiel says, do not allow yourself trigger situations. Don’t go into a bar if you’re getting sober. Don’t have M&M’s in the house if you have a no-chocolate resolution. Don’t have butter in your home - always go out to have butter.
2) And her second suggestion, make the new habit stronger than the first habit. Create stronger, more firm new neural pathways. Make the old habits into a piece of thread, and the old habits as reinforced as a thick sailor’s rope.
And the funniest thing - daily practice. Each time you say “no” to something you don’t want and say “yes” to something you want, you are increasing the chances of being able to say “yes” to the good habit again later, you are increasing self-regulation.
Happy daily practicing of your best habits!
Friday April 6, 2007
“I searched through rebellion, drugs, diet, mysticism, religion, intellectualism, and much more, only to find that truth is basically simple and feels good, clear and right.”
– Armando “Chick” Corea
Monday March 26, 2007
Go act! (Don’t doubt yourself.)
Laugh at yourself, but don’t ever aim your doubt at yourself.
Be bold. … Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.
~ Alan Alda
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
~ Marianne Williamson
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
~ Dale Carnegie
Do what you’re great at. (Don’t underestimate yourself.)
Insist on yourself; never imitate.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes
Don’t be humble; you’re not that great.
~ Golda Meir
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.
~ Malcolm S. Forbes
