Senia.com Positive Psychology Coaching

Michael Felberbaum writes about the article from last week’s Harvard Business Review (HBR) about how great leaders think. Michael says that the HBR article argues that if you have one ok choice, it’s better to create a second choice for yourself, and then choose between the two choices becuase choosing between two will give you a better result than going with one ok choice when it may be the only option. Michael writes about a hidden benefit that may come out of expanding one choice into two choices:

If we follow this “rule” of finding at least two good options, I think we make better decisions. I have been piloting this for myself in trying to resolve some decisions I’ve lingered on for a while about a book I’m working on. I was trying to find an ideal solution. Instead I’ve found two workable options. Amazingly, I think a third option will emerge from those two and it will be closer to my ideal. I’m finding that the benefit of this “rule” is to fully engage creative decision-making which involves comparison, contrast and cost/benefit trade-offs.

I like two ideas especially in what Michael writes:
1) that he expects that once he engages in two ideas, a third better one will likely come along
2) that he enjoys comparing, trading-off benefits/costs between the options

I think of this comparing and contrasting as “negotiating with yourself.” You need to up the stakes. You need to get to a higher level of challenge, and a potentially higher level of flow (ideal combination of skills and challenge).

If you have one choice, you probably haven’t gone as deeply or as far as you could into many domains. You may likely not have pushed yourself as hard as you could have. At least getting two options allows you to negotiate with yourself - to play the game of, “did I push hard enough?”

Remember the Dunkin Donuts commercial with the angel and the devil? Well, it’s time to push myself harder. It’s time to negotiate with an angel version of myself and a devil version of myself.

Get two ideas, and the world already expands! That’s why I think Michael believes that once you have two, a third will likely come your way… because you’ve already proven to your brain that there’s more than one, and maybe it keeps looking (automatically) while you relax.

“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.”
~ Goethe

I recently wrote an article on Positive Psychology News Daily: “How You Tell the Story of Your Life.”

Here’s another example of a story you can tell yourself that then puts your body or your mind into automatic action:

A friend of mine who is a computer scientist and very interested in using the scientific method to prove things wanted to lose weight. But he didn’t want to change his eating habits or start exercising, so all he did is start measuring his weight on the bathroom scale every morning and writing it down. Within thirty days, just from the daily observations and recording, he had dropped ten pounds.

What is the story that the mind tells the body? Isn’t this just like the hotel workers in the PPND article who were told their daily activity is plenty of exercise, and who then went on to lose weight?

UPDATE: An online friend told me that the above wasn’t 100% clear. Did he think that he would lose weight? Did he expect it?

Yes, he thought that just by paying attention to the weight that it would decrease, and it did. The story he told himself is that he doesn’t want to consciously change any habits, but that he wants to weigh less. So, in fact, he was making subtle automatic changes that were comfortable to him. And his reasoning is that he never felt the changes, and he believes that the changes in his habits (enough to make his lose ten pounds in a month) occured because he was focused on this idea, and told himself subconsciously the story that he was going to lose weight. Without knowing how he would do it.

I’ve been coaching more job seekers lately in my coaching practice. My process is generally Assessment - Targeting - Self-Presentation. Here are some tips that I give to my clients regularly.

• Assessment - Know what you LOVE in addition to what you’re good at.
• Assessment - Know how to tell your story. Practice it often.
• Assessment - Know several specific projects that describe you at your best and at what you most enjoy. Make sure you mention these later in the interiews.



• Targeting - Know your geography, industry, and function.
• Targeting - Aim high.
• Targeting - Target many jobs.
• Targeting - Who do you know who is related to the industry and function that you want?



• Self-Presentation - Target your resume to the job.
• Self-Presentation - Behavioral questions during interviews: brainstorm three answers to each of about ten questions, then choose the best of the three answers.
• Self-Presentation - Practice consulting-type open-ended problem questions, such as the number of pencils in Alaska.
• Self-Presentation - Rehearse before the interview how your body will behave if you get a question that stumps you. Examples: repeating the question slowly, clarifying the question, sitting forward in your chair - whatever works for you. Practice these with a friend.

What are some additional tips you have for job-seeking?
What’s the smartest job-seeking tip you have?

Welcome to Friday Questions. Come on it, and answer in the comments!

Hello, welcome to Question Fridays… My answer is in the comments section - I invite you to put your answer in the comments section as well!

It’s just about full-fledged summer!
Q: What’s the easiest new health habit that you could take on?

What’s a habit that it wouldn’t take you that much effort to start? That it might just take some focus and concentration but not necessarily a lot of work? What’s a habit that would be an easy addition, would be health-promoting, and you’d be happy to have for this summer?

I tried an absolutely new food yesterday.

I guess it’s always been at the grocery store, but I just never paid attention and never looked for it. It’s crisp and bright and has a very pale sweetness. The clerk at the farmstand was eating a slide, and I asked her what it was, and she said, “JICAMA! It’s delicious, and very low calorie.” And she brought me a slice.

I had never even thought something like this exists. So lightly sweet. I guess you never cook jicama - it tastes somewhat like an apple-pear but much less sweet - just a hint of sweetness, and on the outside, it’s (strangely enough!) the same color as a potato!

Here are some summer jicama recipes:
* Jicama orange salad!!! by Lu Recipes
* Jicama salad by Whole Foods
* Jicama beet salad by the Reluctant Housewife

“Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes.”
~ Washington Irving

I heard a talk today on mindful eating. The woman who spoke described how we take in experiences, how we eat experiences.

She said we are always eating. We are always taking in experiences, things around us, and we can choose how we take in things around us. We can choose the way that makes us less stressed, and we can choose the way that makes us more alive.

This sounds to me like Tonya Pinkin’s philosophy that how you do anything is how you do everything.

One other thing the woman said about mindful eating is kind of like the Zen of the Motorcycle (i.e. if your engine’s not starting, look to see where else in life you’re not getting started). Today’s woman’s point was that if we have strange eating habits, like particular snacking, or not eating breakfast, or not sitting down to eat - then where else might we be “snackin” on life, or not preparing for the day, or not giving enough time to ourselves?

How you do anything is how you do everything.

I’ll be teaching a class on Wednesday in Greenwich, CT.
WHEN: 7-9pm
WHERE: Greenwich High School
REGISTER: Here (preferred) or at-the-door.

The Science of Happiness

In 1998, Positive Psychology was launched by then American Psychological Association president Martin Seligman. Positive Psychology is a branch of psychology that studies what makes people happier, more productive, and more successful . What is this new “science of happiness”? In this two-hour workshop, we will go through the basics of the science of happiness and its applications to your life. We will cover physical happiness, mental happiness, emotional happiness, and self happiness. Some particular topics that we will address:

• How does optimism increase focus and affect physical health?
  
• You are what you say: how can you respond to people most effectively, how can you praise people and children well?
  
• How can you open up your creativity and decision-making skills?
  
• How can you create new successful habits?

Senia Maymin, MBA, MAPP, is an Executive Coach and Editor-in-Chief of Positive Psychology News Daily (www.pos-psych.com). In addition to coaching, she has a background in high-tech and finance. She completed her AB in Mathematics and Economics at Harvard University, her MBA at Stanford University, and her Master in Applied Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania (Martin Seligman’s program, the only such master’s degree in the world). Website: www.Senia.com.

Hello! Welcome to Question Fridays. If you’re in the mood, which I’m in most Fridays, please add your answer to the comments section!

Who is the happiest person you know?
What does he or she do to be happy?

All the best,
Senia